


"I Sleep and Dream of Snow"

by greenflower21



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Captain Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Post-Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets Spoilers, Sick Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Sickfic, Snow, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:07:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28775811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenflower21/pseuds/greenflower21
Summary: Levi and the Squad are at an isolated location testing Armin's new titan abilities, when they are trapped by a snowstorm, which turns out to have dire consequences. When Captain Levi’s life is endangered, it's up to Hange and the squad to save him.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 117





	"I Sleep and Dream of Snow"

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own "Attack on Titan." This work was composed not for profit and the events depicted are non-canonical. 
> 
> There are no romantic pairings in this work: I wanted to explore Levi's grief after the end of season 3, and how this emotional trauma takes a toll on him. 
> 
> This is my first fanfic so I was nervous about posting, but I hope you enjoy!

_ The winter will be rough this year _ , thought Levi as he gazed out the foggy window onto the gray surroundings. The first snow was yet to come, but he doubted it would be far off. Wind was already screaming down from the mountains, sweeping across the sheltered valley where the small cabin nestled under the barren trees like skeletons in the mountain’s shadow. This was the same cabin where he had hidden with his new squad, a few months previously, before Queen Historia had claimed her throne, before they had regained honor for the scouts, and before retaking Shiganshina. 

So much had happened, it was hard to believe only a few months encompassed the biggest changes to their world within the walls. A new Queen, a new squad, and now a new commander as well…

Levi’s eye twitched slightly as he thought of Erwin’s lifeless body, still in Shiganshina, blue eyes once so full of dreams, an icy fury that looked ever onwards, now just a memory. He shivered there before the window, the threat of winter already creeping into his bones. 

_ “We can’t always carry our fallen comrades home, but we can carry their memories.”  _

The words he had spoken to a grieving soldier had echoed too many times in his head this past year. He was used to loss, but the words now sounded almost mocking, his memories laughing atop the mountain of bodies, lifeless eyes whose gleams were already fading from his mind. The cold ache had settled even deeper now, refusing to recede, winter’s cruel whisper brushing against the boundaries of his body and mind. He shivered again, whether from the cold or from the lingering echoes in his head, he couldn’t tell. The echo was turning into a headache now, dull pain behind his eyes making his limbs feel leaden and heavy, not helped by the bulky ODM gear that weighed him down under his cloak. 

A shout from outside jolted him from his thoughts. He stepped away from the window calling out as he went, “Commander Hange is here! Get ready!” 

A few shouts of “Yes sir!” echoed clumsily from upstairs. 

Levi walked outside, his shoulders tensing uncomfortably when he was met with a chill wind. “Jean!” he called to the tall boy in the lookout tower, sandy-brown hair tousled by the wind. “Is it Commander Hange?”

“Yes Captain,” replied Jean. “They appear to be alone.” 

_ Good,  _ thought Levi.  _ Good that no more than necessary see this.  _ Too many soldiers and government officials resented Levi’s decision to save Armin instead of Erwin. Why was a timid boy’s life more valuable than their esteemed and experienced commander? And why had that pivotal decision been entrusted to an underground lowlife like Levi? 

At first they had thought to keep the specifics of Shiganshina a secret, but that was impossible. That idiot Floch didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut. Levi was glad at least that he had stayed behind to recruit more MP’s into the scout’s ranks instead of coming here with the rest of Shiganshina’s heroes. Isolating as it was out here, he was glad not to hear the endless complaining, making his guilt over Erwin’s death all the more painful. 

_ Not that it isn’t painful already,  _ he admitted as Armin’s small figure came slowly outside, followed by Eren, Mikasa, Connie and Sasha. Armin’s blue eyes were watery in the chill wind, blue and full of hope, just as Erwin’s had been long ago. 

“Hey Connie! It’s your watch now!” said Jean, hopping down from the tower, wrapping his cloak tighter around himself. 

“Ugh, fine,” said Connie, walking over towards the wooden tower. 

“No,” said Eren, “I’ll take watch, you can go with the others Connie.” 

“Um...okay…” said Connie, confused. 

Levi furrowed his brow as he watched Eren climb up into the watchtower.  _ Why does he want to be on lookout duty so badly? Probably just sulking.  _ Eren had been in a bad mood ever since the memorial ceremony. He was sullen and withdrawn around the others, even with Armin and Mikasa. Levi shuddered.  _ It's probably nothing. Not everything is a threat, he’s a teenager, they’re like that most of the time.  _

“How far is Hange?” asked Levi as Jean sauntered up beside him. 

“A couple miles,” he replied. “They should be here soon.” Jean lowered his voice to a whisper, glancing back at Eren, “what’s up with him?”

Levi frowned, still uneasy but apathetic. The last thing he needed was to fuel Jean and Eren’s rivalry. They were good friends but sometimes even the faintest animosity could become irritating to be around.  _ I’m too tired to deal with their childish antics today.  _

Sure enough, Hange’s steed galloped down the narrow path and jolted to a halt. 

“Levi!” they exclaimed excitedly. “It’s good to see you looking cheerful as always.” Their hair was messy from the wind, and they hastily brushed it away from their face where it had tangled in their glasses and knotted under their eyepatch.. 

Levi grunted in reply. “I see you came alone.” 

Hange nodded. “Now, are we ready to start?” 

They glanced over at Armin, whose blue eyes were wide and unblinking. He looked incredibly nervous. Levi couldn’t help but notice how he tried to hide his shaking hands under his cloak. 

Eren on the other hand, was expressionless beside him, green eyes downcast. Mikasa eyed him worriedly, but he paid her no notice as he walked over to the watchtower. 

“Let’s go then,” said Levi, leading them down toward the cliff face where they had tried this same experiment on Eren earlier that year. 

Levi pulled his cloak tighter around his shoulders, shivering still. Dark clouds were gathering at the top of the mountain. Levi narrowed his eyes concernedly, “Hange, I don’t like the look of those clouds.”

“Hmmm,” they said, narrowing their eyes. “We’ll have to hurry then.” 

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just wait?” Levi replied. 

“If it snows we won’t be able to do this again for awhile, and I can’t be away for too long. Besides...” they added, their voice rising to the pitch that Levi recognized as a signal that a theory was forming in their mind. 

“What?” he asked, not sure if he was going to regret it. 

“I’m interested to see how cold weather will affect the transformation, and if it rains or snows or whatever it does, it might have an impact on the titan steam….” they trailed off, clearly mulling over possibilities in their mind. 

Levi sighed and glanced back at the squad. Sasha, Connie and Jean were chatting distractedly in the rear, Mikasa walking solemnly in front of them, glancing occasionally through her shadowy curtain of hair, backward towards where Eren sulked in the watchtower. Armin looked even more terrified than he had before. His eyes darted back and forth cautiously, like blue rippled under a sudden wind. 

Levi slowed a bit to allow the boy a chance to catch up with him. 

“Sir,” he squeaked, startled to see Levi beside him, looking away quickly. He knew that Armin also carried the guilt of Erwin’s sacrifice. The fault was far from his though, but Levi could understand how apprehensive he probably was. He had a large legacy to carry on his shoulders, and nearly the whole army blaming him for it. 

“Don’t worry Armin,” said Levi earnestly. “Hange knows what they’re doing, you’ll be fine.” 

“Th-thank you sir,” stuttered Armin, “i-it’s not Hange I’m worried about sir, it’s…”

“You have a lot of expectations to live up to,” finished Levi. 

Armin hung his head. “Y-yes sir.” 

Levi sighed again. “At the end of the day, it was my decision to make. You’re young, you have a good head on your shoulders, give it a chance to dream. That was what Erwin did best…” Levi stopped, for he could see the cliff face looming up ahead. 

“Here we are!” said Hange, running ahead to look down. 

Armin gulped. Levi gave him a reassuring nod, and they followed Hange to the cliff edge. 

“Positions everyone!” said Hange. They all obeyed, leaping to their vantage points on the clifftop. 

“We have to hurry,” pointed out Levi, glancing up at the clouds uneasily. 

Hange nodded. “Yes. Ok Armin, we’re ready when you are!” 

Armin nodded, pale and shaky. He closed his eyes, and took a run towards the cliff edge. He jumped off the side, ODM gear on. 

Levi braced himself.  _ Did it work?  _ He wondered as a few silent moments passed. But he quickly retracted that thought, because a loud bang resounded upwards with a steam blast. 

“Hange!” He shouted. “Can you see anything?” 

“No!” they replied, eyeing the steam dangerously, the thrill in their eyes unmistakeable. 

“I can’t hear him!” shouted Jean. 

“It’s only steam, no titan,” added Sasha. 

“Armin!” shouted Connie, “Can you hear us?” 

Levi could see Mikasa perched on the edge, looking as uneasy as Levi felt. She was doubtless wondering why Eren didn’t want to see his best friend transform into the colossal titan for the first time, but equally worried about Armin below. 

A loud boom sounded behind them. Levi smelled rain as a cold blast of wind slammed into him, almost sending him off balance. 

“Hange…!” he shouted, a tone of warning creeping into his voice. 

“I hear it,” Hange replied. “Armin!” they screamed. “Armin where are you?” 

There was no reply, only more thunder as the steam rose from the ground.

Levi felt a few drops of cold rain hit his face. Not quite cold enough for snow yet but it still stung like blades of ice. 

“Armin!” cried Mikasa, craning her neck to see through the layers of steam. The rain was getting heavier, sizzling as it struck the ground below. 

“There!” shouted Sasha. Levi looked where she pointed, seeing a patch of red where the rain was clearing the steam. He narrowed his eyes and squinted to see better. 

“It’s too hot to cut him out,” said Hange, “We need to let the rain cool it down first.” 

_ Damn this would have been a great moment for Eren to stop acting like a moody brat and come help us out.  _

Levi frowned. “Was this your plan all along?” he didn’t even try to hide the annoyance in his voice. 

“...Not exactly, but it is working in our favor now,” they replied, watching the steam clear below, revealing more of a pitifully misshapen red titan, miniscule in size in comparison to the colossal titan that had broken down Wall Maria. 

“Armin,” croaked Mikasa nervously, about to leap down. Levi placed an arm in front of her. “No. It’s not safe yet.” 

She hung her head, resigning herself to the truth in his words. 

“Look! Commander, Captain!” Connie shouted. 

“It’s Armin! He’s emerging!” added Sasha. 

“Right, I’m going to retrieve him,” said Levi. It was dangerously hot down there, only he had the necessary speed to grab the boy quickly and get him out. 

“I’m coming too!” insisted Mikasa.

“Fine,” grumbled Levi.  _ She can manage, and it might be helpful to have an extra set of hands if we have to cut him out.  _

“Be careful!” said Hange, absentminded, meaning that their thoughts were clicking mechanically in their brain. 

Levi and Mikasa leaped down, weaving between bilows of steam carefully. He could see Armin’s yellow hair glinting dully in the red mist of steam and drizzle. 

They landed on the body, where the rain had cooled the surface enough so that he could cut Armin out. Armin’s eyes stared blankly upwards, red marks beneath them, tears welling in those orbs of blue. 

“Help me cut him out, quickly!” said Levi. 

Mikasa sawed at the sinews with her blades while Levi lifted Armin out from the steaming carcass. His cloak had completely burned off, leaving only his thin shirt, burned and tattered in several places. The ODM gear was still trapped inside the titan. 

“It’ll be damaged beyond repair; leave it behind” said Levi, sensing Mikasa’s thoughts. 

“Right,” she nodded and focused on cutting Armin’s legs free. 

The rain was coming down hard now, icy cold and stinging as it danced violently in the wind. 

Mikasa finished cutting the sinews, and they leaped upward against the cliff-face with their gear, Levi carrying Armin’s limp form under one arm. They made it to the top, where the others were waiting anxiously. 

“Wh-what happened?” asked Sasha concernedly looking at Armin. 

“We can theorise later, let’s focus on getting out of this rain!” said Levi, removing his own cloak to wrap around Armin. 

_ Damn this rain is cold.  _

“Hange come on!” They were still staring over the cliff edge thoughtfully. 

“What?” They said. “Oh, right, let’s go!” 

They all walked quickly back to the house, Armin being carried by Levi as the rain grew icier around them. 

Levi was thankful in that moment for the titan heat radiating from Armin’s body. His face and hands were numb from the cold, and his clothes were becoming soaked through. 

They made it back to the house. 

“Eren!” shouted Hange, “Get inside! You won’t be able to see in this weather anyway.” 

Eren leaped down from the watchtower, still brooding.  _ Seriously, what’s up with him?  _

They all stumbled inside, dripping wet, slamming the door behind them. 

Sasha let out a long sigh, “I’m soooooo hungry!” 

“Ugh I’m too cold to be hungry,” complained Jean. 

Eren ignored them and went straight over to the hearth to start building a fire. He half glanced at Armin, a pained expression in his eyes, avoiding Mikasa’s stare that followed him like a shadow as he placed logs in the fire. 

Levi placed Armin down into a seated position in one of the chairs by the fire, removing his cloak and hanging it by the door. Armin’s tattered clothing had luckily remained relatively dry under the protective wool. 

As everyone else hung their cloaks, Levi noticed that they, too, had avoided most of the icy rain. 

Hange shook their head, scattering a few droplets and walked straight over to Armin. 

_ I need to get out of these wet clothes,  _ thought Levi. He shivered, his shirt stuck tight against his body, hair dripping icy water into his eyes. 

“Captain you’re soaked!” exclaimed Sasha as she carried the kettle to the stove. 

“Hmph, I hadn’t noticed,” he grumbled dryly. 

“Someone needs to get some dry clothes for Armin,” said Hange. 

“On it!” said Connie, sprinting away. 

Levi stood, almost dazed, looking at how Eren was building up the fire. Something was definitely off with him, and he worried that it was something more than just teenage angst. 

“Uh, Captain, are you ok?” asked Jean’s voice behind him. 

“Hmmm…?” Levi blinked. “Yeah I’m fine…” his words were slow; numb along with everything else. 

“You really should take those wet clothes off captain,” said Mikasa, arriving beside him carrying some blankets from upstairs. 

“Hmmm, yeah…” he shook his head hazily and walked slowly towards his room. 

His hands were stiff as he undid the buttons and endless belt loops that attached the ODM gear to his body. When that weight left him, he swayed slightly, dizzy with the release. He finally managed to remove the rest of his soaking wet clothes, which had stuck to his skin like ice, wondering if he would ever feel warm again. 

He came back to the main room, wearing dry clothes, but still shivering. Sasha, Connie and Jean were laying out teacups and bread and butter on the table. Eren still stared moodily into the fire, ignoring the rest of them, while Mikasa sat next to Armin, wrapping him in a blanket and Hange scribbled in their notebook. 

Mikasa stood and walked over to Levi. She handed him a blanket and he took it from her gratefully, hands numb and shaking. Not caring about anything else in that moment except warmth, he sat down in the chair between Armin and Hange, close to the fire. 

Armin didn’t appear hurt, but there was a look of utter dejection on his face. 

“It’s ok Armin, Eren had trouble his first time too! “ reassured Mikasa. “Right Eren?” 

Eren turned at his name. “What? Oh yeah…” he quickly turned back around to stare at the flames.

Hange sighed quizzically, looking up from their notes. “It seems that mood clearly plays a role in one’s ability to transform. Eren always had trouble if he was feeling nervous or apprehensive, or unsure about something.” Hange directed their statements at Eren, but he didn’t look back in their direction. 

“You’d better figure it out soon kid so we can get the hell out of this freezing cold bunker,” said Levi shakily, then he sneezed, quiet enough so that only Hange heard it. They narrowed their eyes at Levi skeptically but didn’t say anything. 

“You have to be sure of yourself Armin. You have to envision the future you dream of, and you have to take hold of it with all your strength. If you hesitate, it’s all for nothing.” Eren’s voice sounded far away, even though he only stood a few feet away from Levi. It was the most he had heard the boy say for weeks. 

“Well, yes…” said Hange, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “In less solemn terms than Eren just put it, you need to have a clear goal, and you need confidence!” 

_ I know what’s wrong,  _ thought Levi.  _ It’s Erwin’s shadow. It’s still too tall for him to reach.  _ That same tall, blue-eyed shadow echoed in Levi’s mind too. He knew what it felt like to be tasked with making someone’s life meaningful after they were gone. 

Armin only sighed and shook his head. “I know, you’re trying to help and I appreciate it, I really do, but… I can’t help but wonder every day if you made the wrong decision Captain.” 

Armin’s sad blue stare rose to meet Levi’s cold gray eyes. For a second, he thought he could see Erwin’s icy gaze, filled with stone cold-determination, but then the shadow faded to leave behind ripples in the terrified boy’s face. 

“I didn’t make the wrong decision,” said Levi, trying to make his voice sound certain. “This is what Erwin would have wanted.” As he said this, he could almost see Erwin’s shadow again, nodding to his words behind Armin’s face. 

Levi shivered and sneezed again, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself, feeling suddenly very tired. The feeling had started to sneak back into his limbs again, but now they were heavy with a dull ache that was settling deep into his whole body. 

“Tea’s ready!” said Sasha. 

Levi sighed and stood shakily to walk back over to the table, leaving the blanket behind. He poured himself a cup and sat down, still shivering. He held the cup in his hands, letting the warmth spread upward through his fingertips. 

He was almost aware of the others clattering about chatting and eating all around him, but they were like shadows in the corner of his vision.  _ I’m still so cold. Why can’t I get warm?  _

Hands shaking, Levi lifted the cup to his mouth, letting the hot liquid warm his insides. Someone pushed a plate towards him. He glanced over to see that it was Hange. 

“You should eat,” they said, buttering a piece of bread for themself and sitting down beside him. 

Levi ignored the bread and focused instead on drinking the tea in slow sips, willing it to make him stop shivering so visibly. 

“The rain is turning into sleet,” observed Sasha, looking toward the window. 

Levi looked and saw sheets of white slamming against the glass. 

“Looks like you’ll need to stay the night here commander,” said Connie. 

“Yes I suppose you’re right,” replied Hange. “I really did underestimate this weather didn’t I?” 

Within the hour, the sleet had turned into snow, and it rattled relentlessly against the window panes. 

Leaving his bread untouched, Levi washed his teacup and then wandered back over to the fire. Armin had fallen asleep, the red titan marks on his face already starting to fade. 

“We should put him in bed,” said Levi, bending down to pick him up. His arms felt unusually weak though, which was strange.  _ Why do my bones feel like they’re filled with ice. I hate rain...I’m too stiff to lift even this scrawny teenager! _

“I can do it,” said Eren’s voice behind him. 

“Go ahead,” said Levi, glancing at him sideways. Eren lifted one of Armin’s arms over his shoulder, and Mikasa rushed over to help. Together they carried their friend up to bed. 

Levi sighed and edged closer to the fire.  _ I hope I’m not this stiff tomorrow, there’s so much to do around here… _

“You alright?” Asked Hange, kneeling down next to him. “You seem tired.” 

He shivered again, picking up his discarded blanket from earlier. He avoided their question and said, “where will you sleep? With the rate of that snow outside, it looks like you might be stuck here for a few days at least.” 

“Don’t worry about me! I always figure it out,” they replied. “Besides, I want to stay up a bit later to study my notes anyway.” 

Levi nodded in reply and glanced over to the table where Jean, Connie and Sasha were still chatting. “Hey, make sure you clean up that mess when you’re done,” he remarked. Normally he would stay and do it himself, but Hange might have been right. He  _ was  _ tired. Even where he stood, he struggled to keep his eyes open. He would have to trust them to clean it properly, just this once…

“Captain can I have your bread?” Asked Sasha. 

“Hmmm…? Yeah, fine…” he muttered, walking blearily towards his room. He sank onto his bed with a strange heaviness, shivering under the blankets, and let sleep take him. 

When he was gone, Sasha exclaimed in a shocked whisper, “what? He never says yes! This is my lucky day!” 

“Sasha you’re getting crumbs everywhere. We need to keep it clean or the Captain will freak out!” protested Jean. 

Connie chimed in with, “Hey! Won’t you share?” 

When the two had divided the bread between them, Jean remarked, “don’t you think it's weird though, Captain Levi never goes to bed early?” 

Sasha was too immersed in her bread to hear him. 

Connie shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s been a pretty long day, I wouldn’t worry too much.” 

Jean frowned, looking out the window where the show was swirling out in the dark. “I hope you’re right.” 

Levi woke groggily. His throat burned and there was a heavy weight in his chest that made every part of his body ache. He groaned and got out of bed, shocked when he had to sit down again because a wave of dizziness almost sent him reeling. 

He sighed, and that sigh turned into a dry cough that made his head throb.

_ Damn it,  _ he cursed to himself. He made the decision to ignore his body screaming in protest, and put a clean shirt on with aggressive determination, preparing to go downstairs.  _ This is nothing, I’m just chilled from yesterday, I just need to wake up a bit.  _ He coughed again as he went carefully down the stairs. 

Hange had woken up sitting stiffly in the chair by the fire, notes open across their lap. The coals had died down to ash. Someone had thrown a blanket across them at some point, they weren’t sure who. They yawned, stretched, and stood, looking out the window. 

_ Well, looks like I won’t be making it back to HQ anytime soon.  _ Snow was piled almost up to the window panes, the inside of the glass covered with frost. They shuddered and put a log on the dead fire, attempting to blow some life into it. 

The kitchen had been tidied from the night before, but it was nowhere near spotless. A few crumbs still littered the floor where Connie and Sasha had battled over the captain’s bread. 

_ He won’t be happy.  _

While they waited for the fire to grow, they pondered their notes again. Something was definitely holding Armin back...they had a feeling it was the pressure. The poor boy had Erwin’s whole legacy to uphold.  _ Damn it Levi, I can’t believe you put him in this position.  _

Hange heard light footfalls on the steps accompanied by ragged breathing that stopped suddenly and was replaced by a rough, hollow sounding cough. 

_ That doesn’t sound good… _

“Where is everyone?” asked Levi hoarsely as he slowly walked into the room. “Lazy kids, just because it’s snowing doesn’t mean they get a break.” He looked out the window, noticing the empty watchtower blurred by the blinding light of the heavy snow on the ground. “We should get someone on lookout duty-” he ended the thought abruptly as he shook with coughing again. 

Ignoring Hange’s eyebrows rising in concern, he went outside to fill the kettle with snow, shocked when he opened the door to see that it came all the way up to his shoulders. He cursed under his breath and shivered, filling it quickly and slamming the door shut. He put the kettle on the stove, his chest burning, unable to stifle the shaky cough that shuddered through his body again. 

“Levi, I don’t like the sound of that cough,” said Hange, not hiding the concern in their voice. 

“It's nothing,” he retorted. His eyes stopped, noticing a few crumbs on the floor where the scouts had been sitting the night before.  _ Damn it, I thought I told them to clean up…  _ He sighed in annoyance, but it came out as a cough, more painful than the last one. 

“Levi….” began Hange. “Don’t worry about the crumbs, and don’t worry about the lookout! The snow will be too thick to see anyway. Besides, no one will be out stalking us in this weather.” They took a moment to look at his face, which was shadowed by the usual dark circles, but they were deeper today, and he was pale, his dark gray eyes glassy and distant. 

He ignored them and went over to get the broom in the corner. He swept the crumbs away and started to make tea. 

Hange shook their head. He was too stubborn. When the kettle boiled, they sat down together to let it brew. 

“Are they seriously all still asleep?” Levi asked, shocked at how raspy his voice sounded. He was grateful for the warmth of the cup in his hands. He let the steam float up to his face and briefly relieve the throbbing in his head. 

Hange shrugged, “Not everyone is an insomniac like you.” 

He glared at them and shook his head. “Any epiphanies in your late night research?”

They took a deep breath. “Armin won’t be able to control his titan ability until he can escape the pressure of Erwin’s sacrifice.” 

Levi nodded, “well he’d better figure it out soon-” he broke off, coughing again. 

Hange opened their mouth to say something, but at that moment Mikasa came downstairs, followed by the others. 

“Armin is still asleep,” she said as she sat down beside Hange. 

“How is he?” Hange asked. 

“He seems fine,” Mikasa continued, “the titan marks have faded at least.” 

“Good, good…” Hange nodded, pouring themself another cup of tea. 

Levi shot Sasha, Connie and Jean a subtle glare as they sat down at the table. “I thought I told you to clean up after-” but he broke off again, another rattling cough shaking his chest.

“I’m so sorry captain!” said Sasha, eyes wide. 

“Wait, uh Captain Levi are you ok?” Asked Connie tentatively. 

He was barely aware of their responses, and he didn’t catch the worried glances that shot between everyone seated at the table. He ignored them and sipped his tea in frustration, willing his hands to stop shaking, hoping that the warm liquid would subside the deep chill that was making his whole body ache. 

He started feeling progressively worse throughout the day. He tried to keep himself busy, ignoring the pain in his head by sweeping the rest of the floor, assigning odd tasks to the scouts, and pointedly ignoring the way they were all looking at him. 

Jean, Eren and Mikasa managed to clear a way to the stable to check on the horses. Hange decided that they didn’t need to bother with clearing a way to the watchtower. No one would be able to find them in this snow anyway. Levi narrowed his eyes uneasily, but Hange out-ranked him, so their word was what the scouts followed. He knew they were probably right. It was too cold out to keep watch safely, and there was no point staring at gray fields of snow for hours with no real threat. 

He glanced out the window, half expecting more snow to start falling from the gray skies. He still remembered the first time he had seen snow. Mesmerized and terrified at those sparkling white drops that froze on impact, and looked like stars turned to dust. Farlan and Isabel never got to see snow. It almost seemed like the gray sky itself was scattering cold ash for all those who had never gotten to gaze at its beauty. 

While the others cleared the snow in front of the door, Sasha and Connie chopped vegetables for soup, and Armin slept for most of the day. Hange tried to be useful around the house, hoping that everyone at HQ wasn’t too worried about them. There was no helping it though. It was hard enough to clear a path to the horses, forget trying to clear it all the way to the road. Hange was starting to get worried though, worried about Levi. 

His cough started sounding worse as the day went on. At one point, Hange caught him staring out the window, shivering and gazing at something in a distant corner of his mind that only he could see. 

“Levi,” they said gently, “come away from there, it's too cold!” 

He didn’t respond, so they placed a hand on his shoulder. He flinched slightly, but didn’t protest when they guided him over to sit by the fire. 

It should have warmed him, but he still shivered weakly, spots dancing before his eyes, almost like it was snowing inside the fire. 

He was aware of Hange looking into his eyes, “Levi…” they said quietly, placing a hand on his forehead. 

He started to brush them away, “what are you doing?” 

“You’re burning up!” exclaimed Hange. 

He sighed again, he hated other people fussing over him, but regretted it instantly because it sent him into another painful coughing fit. 

“Levi, I’m worried about you,” said Hange, “you’re not well!” 

Levi knew they were probably right, he wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball in front of the fire and stay there forever, but he couldn’t possibly go rest; there was still too much to do, too much to think about, Erwin’s shadow was watching him, he needed to do it justice… 

Erwin’s shadow walked down the stairs, but it was much smaller than Erwin. “Er, hello Commander, Captain,” he said. 

Hange stood, “ah, our colossal awakens!” 

Levi was puzzled. Erwin was tall, yes, but he was no titan, what was Hange talking about. 

Hange noticed that Armin looked bleary-eyed from sleep, but otherwise fine. They were worried about Levi though. He looked at Armin with a pained, almost confused expression.  _ He’s delirious…  _

“I’m so sorry,” said the small boy standing there with Erwin’s eyes.  _ Yes, not Erwin, Erwin is dead Levi, get it together.  _

Levi opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t because his whole body was racked by shaking as he coughed again. 

“Captain! Are you alright?” gasped Armin. 

“He’s not,” said Hange. “Levi, I need you to go back to bed, and yes, that’s an order!” 

Levi regarded them with dark gray eyes, misted over with a feverish glow. Too weak to protest, he stood up shakily and began to walk toward the stairs.  _ Why is Hange giving me orders,  _ he thought, confused,  _ Where’s Erwin?  _ He stumbled and swayed where he stood. The whole room spun, and lights danced in his eyes, turning into shadows as he fell. 

Armin and Hange reacted quickly. They caught him as he collapsed so he didn’t hit the floor. 

“What happened to him?” Asked Armin, his voice high pitched with concern. 

“What’s going on?” asked Sasha, peeking in from the kitchen, Connie close behind. They must have heard the commotion and come to investigate. 

“I need you to bring me some cold water and a clean cloth,” said Hange. 

Sasha’s eyes widened as she saw the unconscious Levi in between Armin and Hange’s arms. “Yes sir!” she disappeared into the kitchen to do what Hange asked. 

“Connie, can you help me bring him upstairs?” said Hange. 

“Yes sir,” said Connie, running over to take the captain’s limp form from Armin, who sighed with relief. He still hadn’t quite gotten his strength back from yesterday. “Armin, can you go check on our soup?” Armin nodded and wandered into the kitchen, glancing over his shoulder as he watched Connie and Hange carry Levi’s unconscious body between them up the stairs. 

They placed him down on his bed. His eyelids fluttered slightly but he didn’t wake up. He was shivering weakly, but a thin gray sweat was coating the surface of his skin, sticking his dark hair to his head. 

Sasha came back with cold water and a few dry kitchen towels. Hange took one from her and dipped in the basin, placing the cool cloth on Levi’s pale forehead. 

Sasha and Connie lingered uncomfortably in the doorway, watching as Hange unbuttoned Levi’s shirt, which was plastered to his body with sweat. 

“Is he going to be ok?” Asked Connie in a whisper. 

No one answered him. 

“Do you need anything else?” asked Sasha, breaking the tense silence except for Levi’s ragged breathing. 

“No,” replied Hange, “just let the others know where I am, and keep that fire burning.” 

They nodded and went back to the kitchen, leaving Hange alone sitting on the edge of the bed, looking more worried than the scouts had ever seen them. 

They found Armin standing dazed before the pot on the stove, stirring mechanically, unfocused and clearly worried. 

“This is my fault,” he whimpered. He looked up at Sasha and Connie, alarm in his eyes. “He gave me his cloak yesterday, and he must have gotten too cold, and now…” he looked like he might cry. 

“No, Armin, it’s not your fault!” said Connie reassuringly. “He would have done the same for any of us, you had no idea that your cloak would burn off, or that the rain would be that cold!” 

“But the experiment failed…. I failed! I’ll never live up to Erwin’s expectations.” Armin sank down in a chair at the table, utterly defeated. 

“You need to stop blaming yourself Armin,” said Sasha, taking over at the stove-top, pouring a handful of herbs into the broth. “The decision was never yours, and you’re trying your best!” 

“You just need to get used to it,” added Connie. “You’re only human so don’t beat yourself up!” 

Armin sighed, looking toward the stairs with an expression of anguish.  _ I really hope they’re right.  _

“I’ve had enough snow to last a lifetime,” complained Jean, entering the door, and hanging up his cloak, followed by Mikasa and Eren. 

“At least we’ve cleared a path to the stable now,” said Mikasa. 

“It only took us three hours,” grumbled Eren. 

Jean sighed and sat down at the table. “What’s with you guys? You look like someone just died.” 

Armin looked at the floor and Sasha stirred the pot on the stove awkwardly. 

“Well…” said Connie, “It’s Captain Levi, he’s really unwell.” 

Mikasa’s eyes widened in alarm. “Is he alright?” 

“I thought he didn’t look too good this morning…” added Jean. 

“What happened?” asked Eren. 

“I guess…” said Armin, “the cold yesterday must have gotten to him, he just collapsed right in front of us!” 

Seeing Armin’s worried expression, Mikasa said, “He’s humanity’s strongest. He just needs to rest for a few days, he’ll be fine.” 

Her tone didn’t sound convincing enough though, and the room fell into a tense silence, the only sound Sasha’s wooden spoon scraping the bottom of the pot. 

A few minutes after Sasha and Connie left, Levi’s eyes fluttered open weakly and he stared up at Hange, looking very confused. He tried to sit up, but he was seized by another painful coughing fit and was forced to sink back down onto the pillows, shaking. 

“Shhh,” said Hange, pushing him down and drawing the blanket up to cover him. 

“Hange what happened?” he asked weakly, his voice hoarse and strained. 

“You fainted,” they replied, readjusting the cloth on his forehead. “Connie helped me carry you in here.” 

He coughed again.“Damn it, how did this happen, I can’t-” but he couldn’t finish, his chest shaking with echoing tremors. He moaned softly and closed his eyes. 

“Just rest,” said Hange. “You don’t have to worry about anything.” His eyelids flickered and closed as he settled into an uneasy sleep, wheezing gently and still shaking. 

They watched his chest rise and fall for a few minutes, then replaced the cloth on his forehead, already lukewarm with the heat from his fever. When they were sure he was really sleeping, they quietly closed the door and went back downstairs. 

Levi slept fitfully the rest of that day, and all the while, the snow still fell outside. Hange went back to check on him a few hours later, but he was still deep in a feverish dream, shivering beneath the blankets, chest rising raggedly and hair plastered to his head in lank strands. 

Hange felt his forehead again. The fever was still high, possibly even higher than before. This worried them; they had never seen him this sick in all the years they had known him. They were trained as a field medic, first aid and emergency battle operations etc., but they were certainly no doctor. If this didn’t get any better soon….well, they just had to hope it would. Travelling would be impossible for at least the next few days. 

For now, they kept the fever controlled by replacing the cloth on his forehead intermittently. 

A soft knock on the door sounded and Mikasa entered the room, carrying a steaming cup of tea. “How is he?” she asked, setting it down on the table. 

Hange’s brow furrowed. “Fever is still high and he’s struggling to breathe.” they watched the erratic rise and fall of his chest uneasily. 

“Maybe steam will help,” said Mikasa, bringing the teacup close to Levi’s face. 

“Good idea!” Hange observed, lifting his head slightly so he could inhale it. 

He spluttered and coughed, then gasped weakly, but it did seem to give him some temporary relief. 

“We need more steam,” said Hange. 

“On it!” said Mikasa, turning to leave. 

A few minutes later, she returned with the kettle and an empty washbasin. 

They lifted Levi’s head again and held the steaming water up to his face. He gasped, then breathed in and out, coughing. He leaned back on the pillows, still shaking, but he breathed more easily, at least for a little while. 

Levi dreamed of blue eyes following him. “Erwin, what do you still need from me?” But the blue receded into gray, drowning in snow. 

“Wait!” cried Levi, “Where are you going?” but the blue eyes disappeared, and he heard nothing but his own voice, reverberating back at him. 

He wandered in a directionless fog, steps heavy, his body aching with weariness as he trudged onward. 

A roar resounded behind him and he flinched as something flew through the air. It landed at his feet in the mist and he almost screamed. Lifeless eyes underneath tousled red hair stared back at him.  _ Isabel…. _

A familiar laugh echoed nearby.  _ Farlan?  _ He turned around, but the laugh faded and turned into a scream before disappearing into the fog completely. 

He sank to his knees, utterly defeated. He could hear voices calling out his name, and they all flashed before his eyes. 

He saw Gunther dangling from his mangled gear, half of Eld’s body strewn across the forest floor, Oluo’s head sawn off, and Petra... _ Oh Petra.  _

She called to him, but he couldn’t stand. His legs wouldn’t lift from the damp ground, and the mist suffocated him, drowning their voices until they disappeared. He was sinking into the ground, and then he fell, plummeting downward through tunnels of darkness until he landed with a thud in a dirty puddle, no stars here; it reeked of the underground. 

A tall man with a face shielded by a black hat turned to look at Levi, lying in the muck, but he shook his head and walked away, until Levi could see him no more. 

The puddle enveloped him like a blanket, and there was a woman in a white dress standing over him. Her black hair flowed down her back like rainfall on a window on a moonless night, and her cold gray eyes looked down on him lovingly. She brushed lank hair out of his face with pale fingers. 

“Mother?” he croaked. 

“Shhhh Levi, you’re safe now.” her voice was soothing, and he believed her, he let his eyes close, and darkness settled over him. 

He wanted to stay there forever, but voices started to plague him again. 

“Let me rest, please,” he begged. 

“Levi. You must not regret your decision,” and there were blue eyes looking at him from the shadows again. 

“Erwin…” he whispered. 

“Do not regret. Fulfil your promise.” 

“I’m so tired Erwin…” Levi protested. He wished that the blue eyes would close and leave him be. The woman in the white dress was still there, but she too, was fading, her hands translucent and eyes empty. 

“No, don’t go!” he begged. 

She grasped his hand one more time, and then disappeared into the shadows. 

“Remember your promise,” said Erwin, but it wasn’t Erwin’s voice. Armin Arlert looked at him with sincerity in the mist, “Please stay with us Captain!” 

“Please…” but he wasn’t sure whose voice it was pleading with him now. 

“I promised…. I remember….” whispered Levi, and then he sank into shadows, many voices still echoing in their tendrils of mist around him, utterly incomprehensible. 

The snow stopped falling after two days, but it showed no sign of melting. The scouts were trapped here until they could find a way to clear a path to the road, which was still several miles to the west of their isolated location. 

Hange was getting increasingly more worried about Levi. He had been drifting in and out of consciousness, and the fever, like the snow, showed no signs of abating. Mikasa had been clever with the steam; when his breathing became too laboured, they brought a basin of boiling water to his face, and it seemed to instill a temporary respite to his pained struggle. 

But he also wasn’t getting any better. Hange worried that he would need stronger medicine than whatever meager supplies they had here at the cabin; honey and hot water could only do so much. But in this snow, it would be impossible to go in search of anything. 

Hange cooled Levi’s burning forehead with the wet cloth, listening to the erratic rise and fall of his chest with concern. 

“You should get some rest,” said Armin, entering the room softly behind them. “I can stay with him for awhile.” 

Hange nodded, knowing he was right. They didn’t like the thought of leaving him, but they felt their eyelids drooping heavily. They stood and stretched, then went to the bed they had set up down the hall. “Wake me if there’s any change.” 

When Hange left, Armin sat down by the Captain’s side. His face was pale, his cheeks hollow and his dark hair dull and plastered to his face by sweat. A few incomprehensible words danced on his parched lips. 

Armin felt an overwhelming sense of guilt as he looked at his sick captain.  _ This is my fault. If only I had been able to transform properly, he wouldn’t have needed to give me his cloak. Better still, if I had died instead of Erwin. Erwin was a colossal human, even without the titan ability. I am nothing…”  _

“No… don’t go…” whispered Levi feverishly in his sleep. 

Armin inhaled sharply. “I’m right here Captain!” 

“Erwin… no… let me rest, please…” his face twisted with grief and anguish, “can I go? The promise… I can’t…” 

Armin’s eyes widened in alarm. He grasped Levi’s frail, sweaty hand in his own. “Please, stay with us captain, please!” begged Armin. He wrung out the cloth and dampened it again in the cold water, placing it on Levi’s burning forehead. 

“I promised… I remember…” whispered Levi, coughing weakly in his sleep. 

Armin heard the door open gently behind him as someone else walked into the room. He turned around, surprised to see that it was Eren. 

“How is he?” he asked, still hovering in the doorway. 

“Not good,” Armin shook his head. 

Eren looked down at the ground and slowly walked over to lean on the edge of the table by the bed. 

“Eren,” began Armin in a quiet voice. “Why couldn’t I transform?” A faint tremor of despair had crept up into his gentle tone. 

Eren shook his head uneasily. He knew Armin would ask him this question. It was part of the reason why he had been avoiding the others this whole time. The strange sensation he had felt when he touched Queen Historia’s hand- well, he couldn’t shake the heavy weight of this immense secret he carried. He couldn’t shake the guilt, for being partially responsible for Commander Erwin’s death, and the legacy that Armin now had to fulfil. All he had wanted was to see the ocean, but this?  _ I can see how tormented he is, the amount of anguish this is causing him, and it’s all my fault.  _

Eren hadn’t wanted to watch the experiment. He didn’t want to watch his friend suffer like that, a suffering that he knew all too well. 

When Eren didn’t answer Armin’s feeble question, he sighed in resignation and looked away. It seemed even his best friend had lost faith in him. 

The two boys were so wrapped up in their own thoughts that they nearly didn’t notice how quiet Levi had become 

Eren noticed first. “Wait, Armin, something’s wrong.” 

Armin shot up in alarm. Levi’s chest had stopped rising and falling, and the familiar pained breaths were silent. 

“Captain Levi!” shouted Armin, shaking the captain’s frail body. 

“I’ll get Hange!” said Eren, running out the door. 

“Please hurry!” said Armin. 

Armin lifted Levi, rubbing between his shoulder-blades vigorously. His skin was still emanating dangerous amounts of heat, which in this moment was actually a good thing, because it meant his body was still trying to fight, trying to live…

“Please Captain Levi,” begged Armin as he rubbed up and down, willing the breath to come back into his lungs. 

The door banged open and Hange sprinted over to the bed. “Good Armin, keep rubbing. Levi!” they cried urgently, placing two fingers on Levi’s neck, where a very weak pulse was thankfully still fluttering. His lips were starting to turn blue. 

Eren came into the room, carrying a steaming kettle. He poured it into the basin and handed it to Hange, who lifted it in front of Levi’s face. 

Armin could feel the heartbeat weakening under his fingers, almost to nothing. A few tense moments followed, and then they all nearly jumped up in alarm as Levi gasped and coughed. He struggled for breath as his whole frame shook, but Armin lowered his shoulders with relief.  _ That was close, too close.  _

Hange shook their head solemnly, reapplying the cold cloth to Levi’s forehead. “He’s not getting any better and there’s not much I can do for him without some stronger medicine.” 

“But we’re trapped here…” said Eren. 

Hange furrowed their brow quizzically. “Your father was a doctor wasn’t he Eren? Do you have any idea what he would have used to treat something like this?” 

Eren thought for a moment and shook his head. “My father didn’t tell me much about what he did-he made all his medicines down in the cellar, where I wasn’t allowed. I think he planned to teach me one day, but he never got a chance…” 

_ Think! Armin, Think,  _ he begged himself.  _ You can’t let the captain die. If he dies it's your fault. There has to be a way we can clear that snow and find him some medicine…? _

He stood up suddenly, an idea forming in his mind. 

“What is it?” Asked Eren. 

“That’s the face of someone who’s just come up with a hypothesis,” remarked Hange observantly.  __

“We need a way to clear the snow so we can somehow get to a doctor or an apothecary…” began Armin, “and we know that titan steam can melt it, so what if I transform into a titan, clear the way enough for someone to make it to the main road, and from there ride to the nearest town where there’s bound to be someone that has what we need!” 

“A brilliant idea Armin!” replied Hange excitedly, “But can you do it?” 

“There’s also the risk that someone could see us, we don’t want to alarm civilians,” pointed out Eren, 

Armin added, “that’s why it would be better to just get the medicine directly from them rather than bridging a doctor here- we don’t want too many people asking how on earth we cleared the snow away- you know what he needs right Hange?” 

“More or less,” Hange agreed. 

Armin continued, addressing Eren. “You and Mikasa will spot me as I transform, and cut me out and bring me back here while someone-probably Sasha because she knows the terrain around here the best- rides on.” 

“But what if it’s too hot to get close?” wondered Eren. 

“Then you can transform too, and take me down.” 

Eren sighed, looking slightly uncomfortable, but then he nodded. “Okay.” 

“Hmmm,” said Hange, “It’s risky, but…” they looked gravely at Levi’s shuddering form beside them, “I don’t think we have a choice.” 

Eren stayed with Levi while Armin and Hange went downstairs to brief the others. The plan was this: Armin would transform and clear away the snow, and Mikasa and Eren would follow at a safe distance to retrieve Armin when he had finished. 

Sasha and Connie would ride to the nearest village with a note carrying written instructions from Hange, to be shown to the closest doctor they could find. Trost would be ideal, but it was too far to ride quickly on the icy roads. Hange would have gone themself, but they didn’t dare leave Levi’s side now. 

Jean sat with Levi while Hange went to the roof with Armin, Mikasa and Eren to execute the plan. 

Armin didn’t feel nervous for once. He was ready to repay Captain Levi for saving his life back in Shiganshina. He would make them all proud. He would honor Erwin’s memory. 

“Are you ready?” asked Hange. 

Armin nodded. 

“Remember to jump outwards so that the house doesn’t catch on fire,” they reminded him. 

_ Right, don’t screw this up.  _

He took a deep breath, and leapt off the roof, slitting his palm with a knife. Electricity rippled through his body, and suddenly he was very tall. He looked down and could see snow down below, melting at his feet. 

“Armin!” someone shouted. “Get away from the house!” 

Dazed, he turned around, seeing Hange, Eren and Mikasa standing on top of the roof, edging away nervously. 

_ What am I doing?  _ Confusion clouded his mind.  _ It's so hot in here… _

“Armin! Go! You have to save Captain Levi!” shouted Connie from the stable. Armin looked down at Connie and Sasha, edging cautiously backwards, horses stamping impatiently.  _ That’s right, I need to clear the way so they can go and find medicine for the Captain.  _

Armin shook away the fog and stepped forward, surprised at the heavy thud his feet made when they hit the ground, snow sizzling upon impact.  _ I have to save Captain Levi.  _ That thought propelled him forward as he plowed through the deep snow, the path clearing as he went. 

“Good, it’s working!” Called Hange. “Sasha, Connie! Make sure you wait until we retrieve Armin before you ride!” 

“Yes Commander!” shouted Sasha. 

“Eren, Mikasa, now it’s your turn!” said Hange, turning to the two scouts beside them on the rooftop. 

“On it!” Said Eren, breaking into a run and biting his hand as he jumped off the roof. 

As he transformed down below, Mikasa leapt onto his shoulder with her ODM gear engaged. 

Mikasa observed Armin’s colossal making its way through the trees. It was still much smaller than Berthold’s titan, smaller even than Eren as he pounded through the melted snow after him. Despite its size though, it was accomplishing what it meant to. 

They followed at a safe distance for about ten minutes.  _ Please let no one be on the road,  _ thought Mikasa, anxiety thrumming in her chest. This was not a sight that she wanted just anyone to see. 

“Eren, we’re getting close,” warned Mikasa. 

Eren grunted in reply, and he sped up behind Armin. 

Armin seemed to be aware of his surroundings, because Mikasa heard a loud crash up ahead as the colossal titan sank to its knees. 

Mikasa sprinted off of Eren’s shoulder and zoomed ahead to scout out the road. Armin’s titan body had collapsed, steaming in the snow, and the road, still snowy but clear enough to ride stretched south toward Trost. No one else was in sight, so Mikasa breathed a sigh of relief as she assessed whether or not it was safe enough yet to retrieve Armin from the carcass. 

The steam was too thick for her to see anything though. “Eren!” she shouted. “I need your help!” 

Eren rumbled towards them and reached his hand into the steaming body, pulling Armin out, cradling his in the giant hand. The body immediately disintegrated, leaving more steam behind. 

“Quick!” said Mikasa. “We need to get out of sight before anyone sees us!” 

She leapt onto Eren’s shoulder and they sprinted back to the house, Armin lying unconscious in Eren’s arms. 

When Hange saw them returning, they called down to Sasha and Connie. “Go! Hurry and come back as soon as you can!” 

“Yes Commander!” They both shouted in unison, and galloped away down the path that Armin had cleared. 

Mikasa leapt onto the ground, and Eren gently placed Armin down. Hange joined her and they carried him between them indie to give Eren enough space to transform back again. Mikasa was about to go back outside and help Eren in, but he stumbled in on his own, and immediately collapsed into a chair by the fire. 

Armin’s eyes fluttered open where he sat in the other chair where Hange and Mikasa had set him down. 

“Did I do it?” he asked feebly. 

Hange knelt down in front of him. “Yes! You’re a hero Armin! Erwin would be proud.” 

At this Armin could no longer control himself; he shuddered and tears fell from his eyes. 

“Armin,” began Eren. 

“No, I’m okay,” he stuttered. “I’m just so relieved!” He glanced at the staircase. “I just hope we’re not too late…” 

Hange and Mikasa shooed Eren and Armin to bed to rest, and then Hange went to relieve Jean. 

“You look like you could use some rest too,” said Mikasa, noticing the lines of exhaustion tracing Hange’s good eye. 

Hange shook their head stubbornly. “No, I’ll stay with Levi until Sasha and Connie come back.” 

Mikasa didn’t argue. 

Jean and Mikasa tried to keep themselves busy, taking turns on lookout duty. Mikasa couldn't focus though, no matter what mindless task around the house she assigned herself. Levi would almost be proud at how tidy the place looked. Too restless to think anymore, she filled two teacups and went out to sit with Jean in the watchtower. She climbed up and sat beside him in the cold as they both stared out over the muddy, mangled path that Armin had plowed through what had been deep snow earlier that morning. 

“Thanks,” muttered Jean, taking the cup gratefully from her in his shivering hands.

They sipped their tea, eyes fixed on the horizon for any sign of Sasha or Connie coming back, tension in the air as the time trickled by slowly. 

“It’s weird seeing the captain this vulnerable,” said Jean absentmindedly. “He’s humanity’s strongest soldier you know? Something about seeing him like this just feels...wrong.” 

Mikasa only nodded in reply. He spoke exactly what she felt. 

“What will we do if he dies?” Continued Jean. “I mean, we  _ need  _ him. He can’t die!” she could hear the panic creeping into his voice. 

Mikasa had no answer for that. She said instead. “I can take over lookout duty for now, you should go inside and get warm.” 

He nodded grimly, “Maybe I can finally convince Hange to take a break.” He left, taking his empty teacup with him and leaving Mikasa alone in the tower. She stared into the gray abyss of broken trees, trying not to imagine the worst. 

Hange was exhausted, but they refused to give in to sleep. Levi needed them now more than ever. The fever refused to drop and his breathing became weaker and weaker as the minutes ticked by. 

“You can’t leave me Levi,” they whispered, grabbing his pale hand. “These kids need you, the world needs you,  _ I need you. _ ” 

They bent their head down and didn’t try to stop the subtle tears that fell from their eyes. Levi shivered weakly in his sleep. Hange moved their hand up to his chest, so they could feel the fluttering of his heartbeat under their touch. It was so weak, like a baby bird, so they cradled it there, willing it to stay and learn to fly. 

There was a small bird chirping in the mist. Levi followed the sound of its voice and saw it on the damp ground, wings too small and weak to fly, crying out in a terrified high-pitched chirp. 

He sank to his knees beside it.  _ Isabel would have tried to save you… but it seems all I can do is die with you... _

He lay down on the cold ground, letting the mist cover him. 

He heard someone calling his name. 

_ No...be quiet. I’m tired, just let me sleep please… _

He closed his eyes and saw many faces beckoning to him. They were speaking but he couldn’t hear them. Isabel and Farlan waved to him.  _ “Come with us!” _ they seemed to say. Oluo, El and Gunther called to him, but they were too far away for him to hear, and then there was Petra, smiling reassuringly. 

“I can’t hear you!” he protested. The woman in the white dress from before, Kuchel Ackerman, reached out her hand, and he tried to grasp it, but there were Erwin’s hard, blue eyes, shaking his head. 

_ “I need you,” _ said someone’s voice. 

Levi tried to ignore it. He blinked and shook his head. Petra and the others were walking further away from him now. 

“No! Take me with you!” he begged, but the mist stifled his voice, and no noise reached them. 

The woman in white still beckoned to him, but her shape was blurry; he couldn’t see her face anymore. 

_ “Remember your promise,”  _ echoed Erwin’s voice. 

“But Erwin, I can’t…. I’m too tired… Please! Take me with you!” He begged his mother, protesting Erwin’s last orders that rang in his ears even through the sifling mist. But Kuchel drifted back, out of sight, and the mist thickened, leaving him in shadows, the bird still chirping weakly beside him. 

Mikasa shivered in the watchtower, her eyelids drooping.  _ Please hurry,  _ she silently willed, eyes fixed on the horizon. It was almost nightfall now, and the dusk glare cast a dusty glow on the path of mud, snow and broken trees. She considered going inside to wake up Eren or Armin to relieve her, or Jean.  _ No, I have to stay, I have to keep watching.  _ She knew despite her exhaustion she wouldn’t be able to sleep, so she stiffened her jaw and looked forward, eyes peeled for any movement on the darkening horizon. 

Jean opened the door to Levi’s room gently, careful not to make too much noise. Hange had fallen asleep next to him, one hand lying on his chest. Jean could see it gently rising and falling, which brought momentary relief. He thought about waking Hange, but they looked so peaceful there, he figured it was better to leave them be. 

Levi’s face was gray like shadows in the snow, and he coughed weakly in his sleep. Jean quietly tiptoed over to the bed and replaced the cloth on his forehead, careful not to wake the sleeping commander. He exited the room and peeked in at Eren and Armin who were both still fast asleep, before going downstairs to start another kettle. As he was filling it with snow from outside, he heard Mikasa shout. 

“I can see them! They’re coming down the road!” The shaky desperation in her voice was apparent as she looked at Jean by the door. He almost dropped the kettle in relief.  _ Finally.  _

Hange woke upon hearing Mikasa’s shout from outside. They sat up, surprised that they had fallen asleep, hand still across Levi’s chest that shuddered under their touch.  _ Are they back?  _ They stood up frantically and peeked out the door. 

Jean was standing at the bottom of the stairs, halfway in the door, and Armin and Eren must have woken with the noise, because they both blinked drowsily into the hallway, observing intently. 

“Mikasa spotted them!” said Jean. “They’re almost here!” 

Hange breathed a sigh of relief and glanced back into the room at Levi’s sleeping form. “Just hold on a little longer,” they whispered. 

Sasha and Connie leaped off their horses with urgency, not even bothering to take them to the stable before going inside. Sasha reached protectively into the satchel on her back, its precious contents bundled in her scarf. She and Connie had ridden without stopping until they came across a village. They knocked urgently at every door until someone could direct them to a doctor. 

A grey-eyed man with foggy glasses opened the door, looking at the two of them with confusion. “Dr. Friedman?” asked Connie politely. 

“Yes?” he said, raising an eyebrow. 

“We are here on urgent military business, here is a notice from our commander,” said Sasha quickly. She thrust Hange’s note into the doctor’s hands. 

“I suppose you’d better come in,” he said, ushering them inside. 

They lingered just beyond the doorway while the doctor’s watery eyes scanned Hange’s instructions. 

“I see,” he said, looking up at them gravely when he had finished. 

Sasha and Connie both returned his glance, desperate and unblinking. 

“So, it sounds like it is a quite serious chest infection, high fever, difficulty breathing, yes?” mused the doctor, walking over to a cupboard and taking out some bottles and a scale. 

“Yes sir,” said Connie, shuffling his feet on the floor. 

Sasha fidgeted with her hands behind her back.  _ Please hurry.  _

After what felt like an eternity later, the doctor pressed a bottle of something into her trembling hands, along with a written note for Hange. 

Connie hastily paid him and muttered his thanks. 

Sasha nodded clumsily in gratitude, and they rode off quickly, Dr. Friedman watching them go with his brow furrowed. He was silently wondering why on earth the instructions in the Commander’s notice had said no doctor was to come to their location, only to send medicine.  _ No matter,  _ he thought, going back inside. 

Now Sasha and Connie blundered into the house, not even stopping to remove their cloaks as they trundled up the stairs, meeting Hange in the entrance to Levi’s room. 

“Good work you two,” said Hange, taking the bottle gingerly from Sasha. They lingered anxiously in the doorway as the one-eyed commander scanned the instructions scrawled on the note. They nodded and went over to Levi’s side. 

“Can one of you get me some water?” asked Hange, opening the bottle and looking inside. 

Sasha muttered a hurried, “yes sir,” before sprinting downstairs and returning speedily with a cup of cold water. Jean entered the room behind her, with the kettle that had just boiled. Mikasa, having abandoned her post in the watchtower, hovered outside in the hallway, joined by Eren and Armin, still in their nightclothes. 

Hange gently lifted Levi from the pillows so he was sitting semi-upright. “Jean, can you hold his nostrils shut?” 

Jean pinched Levi’s nose while Hange cautiously measured some of the tonic into the lid of the bottle and poured it into Levi’s mouth. They gave him some water to ensure that it went down. His chest shook slightly, but he was too weak to cough, of which Hange was glad for once, because it meant that the medicine had a chance to enter his body. 

“Hopefully this will bring the fever down, and clear the infection,” said Hange after they had laid his head back on the pillows, keeping him upright so that he could breathe more easily. 

“Now what?” asked Connie, still standing in the doorway. 

“Now we wait to see if it takes effect,” Hange replied in a whisper, brushing some of Levi’s damp hair back from his forehead. 

Hange was so exhausted that they almost didn’t notice Jean’s steady hand on their shoulder. “Commander Hange, you should really get some rest, we can look after him.” 

Hange glanced backwards to see all of the scouts standing in the doorway, worry etched deep on all of their faces. They smiled slightly.  _ If Levi ever finds out that this many people were in his room at once, watching him sleep…. Well who says I ever have to tell him? _

“Okay,” they said, standing and walking towards the door. Jean had already replaced them at the bedside, cooling Levi’s forehead again. 

“Thank you, all of you for your help. I know the Captain will be deeply grateful when he wakes up. He likes to pretend like he doesn’t need anyone, but I know him better than that. He needs all of us, just as much as we need him…” Hange trailed off and sighed, looking once more at Levi’s sleeping form. They weren’t sure if they imagined it, but he already looked more at ease. Too tired to hear the scouts bashfully respond to them, Commander Hange walked to their bed, with limbs heavy, and was asleep within minutes. 

By the next morning, Levi’s fever had dropped a considerable amount, and his breathing seemed to become less labored. The medicine thankfully seemed to be taking effect. 

The scouts worked diligently to clean up the house the next day, ensuring that every corner, every surface, and anything beyond was tidy and spotless. They kept the kettle boiling, fire roaring and lookout manned. They would be fine. 

The snow outside also started to melt on its own, signalling that Hange would have no choice but to return to HQ soon. They had already been away for far too long, and they had accomplished what they had come here to do, though not necessarily in the way that they expected. Knowing this, they decided to depart the next morning, after they were sure that Levi was really on the road to recovery. It made them uneasy, leaving Levi before he had regained consciousness, but they also felt reassured that he was in good hands. 

Levi’s eyes fluttered open slowly. He felt warm, a heavy blanket on top of him. He stared upwards into shocked blue eyes.  _ Erwin…?  _ But then he blinked. No, it was Armin, who looked at him wide-eyed with an expression of pure relief. 

“Captain! You’re awake!” he exclaimed, and placed a cold hand on Levi’s forehead. 

“What are you doing?” he coughed, trying to sit up. 

Armin pulled his hand away, breathing with a sigh of relief. “Fever is gone. You really scared us Captain!” 

Levi groaned, sinking back down into the pillows. “What happened?” 

“You had a fever sir,” stuttered Armin, “you were unconscious for about four days, we were really worried!” 

_ Unconscious for four days?  _ He thought in alarm. 

He was aware of the door creaking open softly, and Hange entered the room, beaming. “I thought I heard right!” They exclaimed, rushing towards the bed and ensnaring Levi in a crippling hug. They broke away, muttering apologies when he started coughing again, his chest still echoing with the hollow sound, but no longer gasping for breath like he had been. 

Hange felt his forehead just as Armin had done and smiled to feel that it had indeed cooled to a normal temperature.

“How are you feeling?” asked Armin gently. 

Levi closed his eyes tightly for a second, opening them slowly. “Better now that you’re not crushing me anymore.” His voice was still hoarse. The fever had broken, but he was far from well. His face was pale and drawn, and his eyes were glassy and distant, carrying more shadows than they had before. 

“You have Armin to thank for saving your life!” said Hange. 

Armin shifted his eyes to the floor, looking embarrassed. “Well I…” 

“Come on, give yourself some credit!” said Hange, slapping him on the shoulder with a little too much force. 

“Oh…?” replied Levi, raising an eyebrow weakly. 

“He transformed and melted all the snow so we were able to find you some medicine,” said Hange. 

Levi widened his eyes as much as the strain in his head would allow, impressed. “Thank you Armin, it seems I owe you a great deal.” 

“It wasn’t just me,” protested Armin. “Commander Hange rarely left your side, Sasha and Connie were the ones who ran to get the medicine, Eren and Mikasa retrieved me, and Jean made sure you stayed alive while we were gone: we all helped each other. You don’t owe me anything Captain. We’re a squad and that’s what we do. We need each other; at least, I couldn’t have done it alone.” Armin averted his eyes after his outburst of sincerity. 

Levi nodded in cool agreement. “It seems I chose my squad well. Erwin would be proud.” 

“I’m heading back to HQ in the morning,” said Hange, “but I feel better leaving, knowing you’re in very good hands.” They smiled at Armin. 

Armin looked down at the floor again, not sure if he should believe the captain’s, or the commander’s words. 

Levi shuddered and coughed again, wondering why he was still so tired if he had really been asleep for four days as Armin had said. 

“We should let you rest,” said Hange softly, noticing his eyelids begin to droop with heaviness. 

Too exhausted and weak to reply, Levi allowed himself to sink down onto the pillows, and within seconds, he was asleep. Hange adjusted the blankets once more before they quietly left the room with Armin. 

Levi slept most of the next day, consistently and without strange dreams this time. Hange peeked in briefly before they left, careful not to wake him. They hadn’t ever seen Levi sleep this soundly before. However quiet they tried to be though, he still blinked awake and said hoarsely, “where are you going?” 

_ Even when he’s sick he’s still the world’s lightest sleeper… _

“I have to go back to HQ now,” Hange said. “I’ve already been away too long, and the snow is clearing, so I don’t really have an excuse anymore.” 

“Good,” grunted Levi, “I’m starting to feel like one of your experiments.” 

Hange laughed. “You’ll be in good hands here, try not to miss me too much.” 

He nodded and then coughed. “Seriously though, Thank you Hange. I really do appreciate it.” 

Their good eye widened. “What’s that? Captain Levi expressing his appreciation for  _ me _ ? Do you have a fever again?” They felt his forehead just to be sure, grinning sideways when it was revealed to be cool and dry. 

He shrugged weakly. “Armin was right, maybe we do all need each other.” 

Hange smiled at that and said, “No cleaning when I’m gone, no training, no unnecessary exertion- you’re still very weak so I’m ordering you to stay in bed and let the squad take care of you.” 

He rolled his eyes slightly, but muttered a quiet, “yes commander,” so Hange was able to leave satisfied. 

The medicine and instructions were left on the bedside table for the scouts to administer. They all waved to Hange as they rode away down the muddy path through the broken trees. 

Sometime in the evening the day Hange left, there was a soft knock on Levi’s door. He grunted, waking up slowly and sitting up, still a little shaky. 

Mikasa came in with a steaming bowl that she set down on the table. “I brought you some food,” she said. “I mean- I don’t know if you’re hungry but you should probably eat something.” 

“Thank you,” he said hoarsely, starting to try to get out of bed, but his muscles wouldn’t obey, and he laid back down, feeling drained as if he had just faced a titan headlong.  _ Where is all my energy? I’m supposed to be humanity’s strongest soldier, but I can barely even lift my head.  _

“It’s ok,” reassured Mikasa, “Don’t try to get up. You’ve been very sick sir, so it’ll be awhile before you can get your strength back.” 

Levi avoided her eyes as she brought the bowl closer to him. He tried to take it from her, but she withdrew when she noticed his hands trembling. “I’d better do it,” she said in a soothing voice. 

Utterly defeated by the humiliation that he was too weak to even lift his hand to eat, he allowed Mikasa to feed him the warm broth. He wasn’t aware of it tasting like anything, but he could feel it warming his body and soothing the tremors in his chest. 

He wanted to stop halfway through the bowl, but Mikasa looked at him sternly and made him finish the rest, “The only way you’ll get stronger is if you eat.” 

The soup made him feel warm and sleepy. Mikasa’s face was blurring before his eyes. “Rest now sir,” she said, drawing the blanket up to cover him, but he didn’t hear her; he had already closed his eyes and sunk into sleep. 

Levi woke the next day to dim light coming through his icy window panes. The soft glow came from the west, signalling that it was sunset.  _ Did I really sleep all day?  _

He gingerly climbed out of bed. His muscles screamed in protest, and he still coughed roughly as he stood. Hange had ordered him to stay in bed, yes, but his body was stiff and achy, not from the feverish chill in his body anymore, but from lying in bed for 5 days straight. 

Shakily, he put a clean shirt on and wrapped a thin blanket around his shoulders. He didn’t know where his jacket was and he didn’t have the energy to look for it. The house was still cold, but he was certain now that this was from the frost on the windows, and not from fever. 

He stumbled out of the room, holding on to the wall for support. 

“Captain, what are you doing!” Exclaimed Sasha from behind him. 

He turned his face to see her eyes, wide-eyed with concern. 

He coughed, “I need to get out of that room, I need some air.” 

She was next to him in an instant, offering her arm for support, which he reluctantly took. “Commander Hange said-” 

“Don’t worry, I won’t try to clean or do anything strenuous, I just want to go downstairs,” he croaked. 

Sasha looked uneasy, “but Captain Levi…” 

He narrowed his eyes at her and she nodded, allowing her to take hold of his shoulders and help him downstairs. 

Levi almost gasped out loud when he saw the downstairs. His eyes widened in surprise. “What...it’s completely spotless!” Every surface had been dusted, cleaned and polished. 

Sashsa blushed… “Er, we cleaned a bit while you were asleep.” 

Levi allowed her to guide him into the kitchen, which was immaculately clean, not a smudge nor crumb in sight. A pot of soup boiled invitingly on the stove. He actually admitted that he found himself hungry, unlike yesterday when he had forced himself to eat to appease Mikasa. 

The others were milling around the kitchen, setting the table and getting ready to eat together. 

“Captain Levi!” They all shouted in unison. 

“Enough already,” he grumbled, as Sasha helped him into a chair. “You can’t be that happy to see me.” 

“Sir, shouldn’t you still be in bed?” asked Armin nervously. 

“You still look a bit pale…” remarked Mikasa. She also noticed that he had visibly lost weight. His clothes hung loosely around his shoulders and his cheeks were hollow on his face, dark circles etched deeply below his eyes. 

Levi glared at them both, “So? What is it to you?” 

_ Well at least he has his attitude back, that’s a good sign,  _ thought Eren. 

Sasha poured him a bowl of soup and set it down in front of him. He nodded to her gratefully, trying to stifle the slight shaking in his hands as he lifted the spoon.  _ Damn it, I can do this myself... _ His efforts weren’t enough to completely hide his struggle though, based on the expression of concern that they were all shooting in his direction. He ignored them and instead took another look around the room intently. “I have to say, I am impressed, I’ve never seen it this clean in here; I couldn’t have done a better job myself.” 

They all widened their eyes and ate their soup, too shocked that Captain Levi was complimenting them to actually say anything. “Th-thank you Captain?” said Jean hesitantly. 

They all stared nervously around the table, and it was Sasha who finally broke the silence. “We were just so worried about you sir!” 

“We thought you were going to die!” added Armin. 

“Uh yeah… it was really unsettling having you out of commission,” said Jean. 

“Please never scare us like that again Sir!” cried Mikasa. 

Eren didn’t say anything but nodded vigorously in agreement, his green eyes directed across the table with determined intensity. 

“Relax, it’ll take more than a stupid cough to kill me,” said Levi, ending his sentence in annoyance as he actually started coughing. 

He ignored their looks of concern and said, “So, did anything interesting happen while I was asleep? I mean, besides Armin turning into a titan and Eren not being a sulky teen anymore and ignoring the rest of us.” 

Eren scowled. Sasha giggled softly and Armin and Mikasa both averted their eyes. 

“Pretty much sums it up sir…” said Jean, clearly trying not to laugh. 

Just at that moment, the door opened with a gust of chilly air and Connie trundled in from the watchtower. He hung his cloak and said, without turning around, “Eren it’s your turn on lookout!” 

He walked into the kitchen and broke into a huge smile when he saw Levi. “Captain!” He exclaimed, “Welcome back!” 

Levi nodded curtly in reply, “Thank you soldier.”

Eren stood up, eyes downcast and went to take up his post outside.  _ Okay nevermind, he’s as moody as always.  _

Levi tried to help them clear away the dishes after they were all done eating, but Mikasa firmly stopped him. “Sorry sir, but Hange strictly ordered us not to let you clean.” 

“Did they now…?” he sighed. There was no point fighting back over a few dishes, besides, he didn’t have the energy anyway. 

Instead, he succumbed to sitting in front of the fire, subtly watching them clean up. He could hear Sasha and Connie splashing dishwater at each other, Jean complaining when it accidentally struck him, and Armin’s light footfalls as he swept the floor, Mikasa’s hands wiping down the table in smooth, polished motions…

The noises were comforting; the sound of their laughter and rhythmic working brought a warm feeling into his chest. 

Someone brought him a cup of tea, but his eyes were already starting to become heavy. “Thank you,” he murmured, smiling slightly, and then feeling warm and content, he allowed himself to rest. 

“I’ve never seen him look this relaxed!” whispered Mikasa, who had put down the teacup. 

“Shhhh,” said Armin, covering him gently with a blanket. 

They diminished into the kitchen, leaving him there with a peaceful expression on his face. 

Levi slept soundly and dreamed of snow, but this time no blue-eyed shadows followed him, and he was able to watch glittering white flakes dance, laughing peacefully as they fell. 


End file.
